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Posted in Let's talk
Aug 26, 2015
11:40pm CDT

< ![CDATA[Ok since the kids are going back too school soon, or may have already. I have decided to write a blog in the spirit of back to school week. Now when I actually wrote this blog it was March 2015, but by the time it posts it will be August. I have been working on this one for a while now. I want to talk about my experiences with school and how it was hard for me. I hated school as a kid, I had so many issues it wasn't even funny. The only reason why I wanted to go to school was because I could get to see my friends. That was the only thing that was worth it about school. I'll explain why I hated school in this blog. First of all, I grew up with a disorder called "Selective mutisim" (I sort of talked about it in one of my previous “Let’s talk” episodes) But here I will explain it a bit more instead of linking to it. First let me post this from wikipedia:

Selective mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is normally capable of speech does not speak in specific situations or to specific people. Selective mutism usually co-exists with shyness or social anxiety. Children with selective mutism stay silent even when the consequences of their silence include shame, social ostracism or even punishment.

Children and adults with selective mutism are fully capable of speech and understanding language but fail to speak in certain situations, though speech is expected of them. The behavior may be perceived as shyness or rudeness by others. A child with selective mutism may be completely silent at school for years but speak quite freely or even excessively at home. There is a hierarchical variation among people with this disorder: some people participate fully in activities and appear social but do not speak, others will speak only to peers but not to adults, others will speak to adults when asked questions requiring short answers but never to peers, and still others speak to no one and participate in few, if any, activities presented to them. In a severe form known as “progressive mutism”, the disorder progresses until the person with this condition no longer speaks to anyone in any situation, even close family members.

Selective mutism is by definition characterized by the following:

  • Consistent failure to speak in specific social situations (in which there is an expectation for speaking, e.g., at school) despite speaking in other situations.
  • The disturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication.
  • The duration of the disturbance is at least 1 month (not limited to the first month of school).
  • The failure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken language required in the social situation.
  • The disturbance is not better accounted for by a communication disorder (e.g., stuttering) and does not occur exclusively during the course of a pervasive developmental disorder, schizophrenia, or other psychotic disorder.

This is what I had, I could speak to peers, some what. Despite this disorder I had quite a few friends in school. And I spoke perfectly when at home. The following are the symptoms, I have crossed out the ones I did not have.


Besides lack of speech, other common behaviors and characteristics displayed by selectively mute people include:

  • Shyness, social anxiety, fear of social embarrassment, and/or social isolation and withdrawal
  • Difficulty maintaining eye contact
  • Blank expression and reluctance to smile
  • Stiff and awkward movements
  • Difficulty expressing feelings, even to family members
  • Tendency to worry more than most people of the same age
  • Desire for routine and dislike of changes
  • Sensitivity to noise and crowds

On the positive side, many people with this condition have:

  • Above-average intelligence, perception, or inquisitiveness
  • Creativity and a love for art or music
  • Empathy and sensitivity to others’ thoughts and feelings
  • A strong sense of right and wrong

Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Let's talk
Mar 8, 2015
1:24pm CDT

“Tomb Raider: The Last Revelation” one of those limited editions that only had 10 levels. Yeah it exist, I still own it in fact. I remember sitting down with him, as I always did, to watch him play his video game. I remember thinking it looked pretty neat. The more I watched him, the more I wanted to play it. A while later he brought home the first original Tomb Raider game. I always loved watching Dad play video games. So I sat and watched him play it, some thing about the game just struck me. I fell in love with the game from that point on. I started playing it myself and I was super excited when my dad brought home Tomb Raider 3 and Chronicles. Course there were parts in the game that got to be too hard for me, so I would run to my dad and be like: “Can you help me get past this part?” He then told me after a several hundred times, “If you can’t do it yourself then stop playing the game.” Haha, Dad got tired of playing the game for me. So that’s when I spent just about every moment on the computer playing these games in order to beat them. And finally I did, I beat the first one, TR3, the 10 level demo version of TR4 and chronicles. I was ready for more, course it took me several years to obtain the others in the series but when I did the wait was well worth it. I have beaten Tomb Raider’s 1-8 including Anniversary. I have yet to obtain the new 2013 Tomb Raider Reboot, as I do not have an operating system that can handle it. But I watched it on youtube and I have to say holy… It looks awesome. I am so excited about the new one “Rise of the Tomb Raider” … That’s a story for another time. My point is, I use to have a misconception of these video games. I perceived them incorrectly by barely even a glance. Now I am so obsessed, I own Tomb Raider’s 1-8, Anniversary TR1 gold, TR2, Gold, and TR3 gold. I even try to imitate Lara by wearing similar outfits, growing my hair out like her, I have the Angel of Darkness sunglasses, even just bought me a backpack at Target the other day just because it reminded me of Lara. The game I once thought was stupid is now my biggest obsession. Same went for Lord of the rings; when I saw the trailers I thought “Only nerds and geeks are going to see that. Lonely nerdy boys and girls who can’t get laid will go see it.” … Yeah that was horrible I know, but I was only joking … Sort of … I sat down one day and watched tv with my dad … Yeah I’m seeing a pattern here, it’s always dad’s fault I get into shit. hehe I’m a daddy’s girl, I do and like the same stuff he does. Anyways, he was watching the second movie “The two towers” yet again, a familiar pattern arose, I found myself falling in love. I even fell in love with the Blonde elf known as Legolas. Ahh Orlando Bloom! You are wonderful! I then had to see more! I bought all 3 movies and from then on … Guess what? … Yup I was obsessed. Yet when I found out it was actually a book, I was reluctant to read it. I thought “I’ve already seen the movie, I don’t need to read the book.” Cut to a few years later, I now have the books (Lord of the Rings, The hobbit, The Simarillion, and The return of the Shadow), I have the Battle for middle-earth games 1 and 2, I even play Lord of the Rings online. I created my own Elven character with a long family history. (I’ll post that later for y’all) And I even am learning to speak elvish. I am fluent in the written elvish script called Tengwar. Heck my current website theme is Tolkien/Elvish based. Haha! So it just goes to show you can not judge a book by it’s cover alone! The two things I use to think were stupid are now my greatest obsessions of all time. Guess that makes me one of those nerds/geeks that can’t get laid. HAHA!]]>

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Posted in Let's talk
May 7, 2014
4:01pm CDT

(I should have saved the email) they told me that because my websites were not getting enough hits, they were no longer going to pay for both domains. They STOLE my Disturbed domain from me and I tried getting them to sell me both domains to me. And after many emails I finally got them to agree. Yet when they didn’t turn over the domains to me I contacted them again. They told me they had sent a “Terms of Agreement” email to me. I didn’t agree to their terms so they were not going to go through with the transfer. …….I never once got any email of any kind for terms of agreement. If I had I wouldn’t hesitate to agree to the terms. I wanted my domains and I would do any thing to obtain them. So I asked them to resend me the email, but they just told me, “We already sent you the terms of agreement email, you did not agree therefore we can not go through with the transfer.” When I continue to tell them I did not receive an email from them, they refused to email me back. I sent over a dozen emails to them and they did not respond to any of them. When I asked them to put the websites on a sub-domain and forget about the transfer, I still received no response from them. I was fuming, I was so angry I nearly threw my computer out the window. I did my research, a little too late, but what I found was shocking. I found a blog about a young woman who had the same thing happen to her. She told how this company ordered her friend to hand over her domain or they would take the website from her. When she proceeded to say no, they deleted her website. I’m going to quote part of her blog here, but I won’t link to the blog itself. In case for what ever reason this company finds my website, doubt they will, they won’t know who I am talking about and retaliate. I refuse to name any names, for my own safety.

“They never said the websites hosted with them HAD to be transferred to them, and when we refused to give them the domains, both websites were simply DELETED. They didn’t give us a chance to change hosts or anything – remember we couldn’t log in to make a backup of our files. They deleted everything. Everything. The funny thing is… There wasn’t a single line on the rules stating that tranferring the domain was mandatory – we have caps to prove it. They made it up and expect us to accept it. And when we didn’t, they deleted our sites. But… alright. I mean, we were mad, but we got new hosts and we are working on the websites again. That would have been alright if it had stopped there. But it didn’t. About 5 days ago, *COMPANY NAME* deleted my website, WITHOUT LETTING ME KNOW ANYTHING, and put up an OFFENSIVE website on my domain. It contained pictures of me, my friend and other people, as well as her address and phone number. I immediately deleted the DNS information, so it would be down. They were also threatening me, saying that if I removed the DNS from the offensive site, other websites would be used. And so they used my literary blog, also hosted with them. Again, I put it down, but obviously they wouldn’t stop. So *COMPANY NAME* started spamming us and our contact lists with new websites and offensive pictures:…….. …….As you can see, they used different e-mail accounts to send the spams, trying to hide their asses. Well, the thing is: in one of the e-mails, they forgot to change the sender address: Now, would you trust a host who commits the CRIME of defamation, just because you don’t wanna give them a domain you paid for? After that, we decided to further investigate the e-mails, checking the original message, just to make sure we had more proofs. So, you see… the thing here isn’t about deleting a fansite anymore. It’s about violating the law that states defamation as a CRIME. They post offensive pictures, post her address, phone number, pics of her house… They actually SPEND THEIR TIME to hurt people. What kind of people are those?”
They proceeded to post this poor girls photos, name, email, home adress and any other personal info they could get their hands on, to further torment her. They used her photos on these pornographic websites, and even sent spam emails to her and her contacts. Hacking into her email I assume to gain access to that. Now who does that? I was furious when I came across that blog, I couldn’t believe my eyes. So I typed in the company name and I found a bunch of other people who have had the same issue with these people. I even found a website which I think can help you guys. Scamadviser.com This site is perfect for situations like this, enter in the company’s name: IE Fan-sites.org, the company I am with now. And you get information about who owns the domain, who the owner is and the company. It will tell you if the website is safe or a scam based on the information given. As a test go enter in Fan-Sites.org, look at the information given. It says it’s a high trusted site, it looks safe and the information looks legit. Now enter in any other free fan site hoster similar to fan-sites.org and see what you come up with. Please folks I am begging you, do your research. Make sure the company is legit before you sign up with them. I have been with Fansites Network for a couple of years now and never have I had any issues with them. I love them, they are legit from where I am sitting. Where as this other company clearly was not. Arm yourself with knowledge people! Know what you’re getting yourself into before going through with it. This is true in any case where a scammer may be present. Learn from my mistake!  ]]>

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Posted in Let's talk
May 7, 2014
3:08pm CDT

Let’s Talk: Epi 2 – Fandom wars/Cyber bulling pt.1 This is a subject I have touched upon a few months ago, I have just now gotten around to doing part 2. Sorry bout that; I have seen many people being bullied over some thing so stupid. It has happened to myself a few times. Though for the most part I ignore it because I know they are trying to get a reaction out of me. I refuse to give them exactly what they want; by reacting and getting angry with them I am giving them what they want, they are having a good laugh at my expense. The reason some one bullies is because of many different factors.

  1. They are insecure about themselves
  2. They are miserable in their lives, whether it be – a) Their being bullied themselves – b) Their not getting the attention from their parents that every kid needs. – c) They, are not bullied, but see others being bullied and think that’s how their suppose to act.
Whatever the case may be, they are doing what ever it takes to make your life worse so theirs will seem better in comparison. I have had my fair share of hate mail because of the opinions I express.  I will admit I have a lot of opinions others may not agree with, I have a lot to say, and I tend to run my mouth about things I shouldn’t. I am however a girl, it is in our nature to gossip, because of this I have gotten some backlash through my twitter, tumblr accounts for the things I have said. Frankly I do not care what others have to say to me or about me. I have gotten to a place in my life where I’ve had every kind of hate mail you can think of. Had all the things said to me, words no longer effect me. Plus I am happy in my life and I refuse to allow some one I have never even talked to, let alone met, dictate the rest of my day. I refuse to allow those words to effect me. This is of course hard to do, trust me. Yet you can do it, look at your life; find the pro’s in your life. Family, friends, work, boyfriend, girlfriend. What do you have in your life to feel good about? Focus on that and focus on that happiness and don’t let some 40 year old child, living in his mama’s basement ruin your life. As I have mentioned many times before I have seen this happen across the internet. I’ve seen people on tumblr who post the anonymous hate publicly. Many of these people I’ve gotten to know through their blogs and through private conversations. And it annoys me to see how much hatred they get. The following images are screen shots I took of a blog I use to follow. I have of course blurred out the name of the user to protect her. As it’s not my intention to call her out but to show how horrible and pathetic hate mail is. This girl was being blasted for things she said about Randy Orton. She never said any thing bad, she was actually DEFENDING Randy. Defending him against internet rumors, she wasn’t saying any thing bad, and yet this person felt the need to attack her. Bully3 I’m sorry bout that was out of line, why should her tumblr be banned for simply defending a wrestler she is a fan of? If I was a fan of some one, being a true fan means to stick by them no matter what, and defend them against stupid idiots that start rumors just to start drama. Bully2 Regardless of internet rumors, the majority of what you read is just that; a rumor. Not every thing on the internet is 100% accurate. Regardless of how you feel about Randy, this is no excuse to attack a fan. Regardless if the fan is following blindly or knows every thing about his “reputation” and yet still follows, still does not give you the right. We do not attack you for the things, or people you enjoy the most. Regardless of Randy’s personal relationships, which by the way are none of your business, does not make him a bad father. You don’t know what he does with his daughter, do you know first hand? No you don’t because you are either a delusional fan girl, or you are a hater. You are not friends with him, you don’t know him nor any one related or working for him. Therefore you can’t know how he feels about his daughter, or what he does with her. Regardless of any of that, does not give you the right to take any of it out on a fan… I am so angry about this I can’t even explain to you any more, how stupid and pathetic this is. I am speechless! If you can’t understand any thing I just said, then you won’t ever understand, so I’m going to move on. Bully1 ….. What….The….F***….Is….This…Shit….????? This is another thing that I can not understand, was it necessary to call her stupid and ugly? To tell her “Fuck you”…. I just can’t….I honestly don’t know what to say. So I’m just going to leave these photos here for you to make your own decision about them. I have nothing more to say about it honestly. This is a problem in this society, the younger generations using texting, and social media to bully and push people further to the edge. They don’t realize words leave bigger wounds then physical ones.  Physical wounds heal over time, words are forever. Specially with the internet, once those are out there its done, over with its out there forever. There is no taking it back. These kids these days feel so safe behind a computer screen and are so unaware of the damage they are doing. I think kids need to serve jail time for it, maybe this will stop them. Specially if the person is then driven to suicide. Negligent homicide… What do you think on this subject? Feel free to chime in, email me your comments and opinions on this subject and I just might post them on my site. Replace the [at] and [dot] with the correct symbols. wanderingstarresource[at]yahoo[dot]com]]>

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Posted in Let's talk
Apr 4, 2014
2:26pm CDT

(Now I have made that mistake a few times myself, and for that I am sorry.) We become fans of some one for their talent, for what they can do, what they bring to the table. Not for who they choose to take to bed. I am ashamed of some of these so called fans saying “I will no longer be a fan of Randy Orton because he is dating a horrible person.” Just as I am sick of so called Disturbed/David Draiman fans who said they would stop being a fan of him and his band because of Lena. That is just beyond pathetic, I mean grow the hell up! I don’t know how much more I can say on this topic to get any one to understand how sad this is. I am staying out of Randy’s personal life just as I have stayed out of David’s. It’s not my business. The true fans are the ones that stick by some one despite their personal and private choices. You don’t know these people, you are not friends with these people, you will most likely never have a chance to be with them in a romantic way. So for the love of God, grow the hell up and move on. If you want to stop being a fan of some one for their love interest, so be it. But stop talking about it, if you don’t care then shut the hell up and get back to loving the celebrity for their talent. Quite frankly I have grown to like Lena and I am happy for David. He truly deserves to be happy. And I am happy for Randy, he truly deserves to be happy. After what both these two have been through they deserve it even if it is for a short time. Because I know I would never have a chance in hell with either one of them. I love David for his ability to sing, he has the ability to be melodic and sing softer yet be the metal singer he is and scream. And his signing doesn’t make you want to slam your head on a wall. He and his bands, Disturbed and his new one Device, can do live what they do on their albums. And on the plus side he’s freaking sexy I’m just gonna put that out there. I love Randy because of his wrestling ability, mic skills are not 100% that great but he’s still pretty damn good. I don’t like him just because of his looks, though that too is a plus. I will continue to support David, Disturbed, and Randy despite any personal and private choice either of the decide to make. So in conclusion, I say grow up! Move on! Worry about your own life.]]>

Posted by admin No comment
Posted in Let's talk
Feb 9, 2014
3:49pm CDT

< ![CDATA[This is some thing that I have seen for many years, I've seen people across the internet being the victims of cyber bulling. I have never, nor will I ever treat some one unfairly or send them hate across the internet.  My parents had raised me better then that. If I don't like some one I ignore them. I've even had hate thrown at me. I've been a graphic designer for two years, but my passion for it goes back further. I've made fan made videos, stories, poems, songs and many graphic designs. I've posted them through many design websites, and I've gotten hate for them, not constructive criticism, but down right hatred. I have been also been a part of many, many fandom wars many times because of the Fandom's I've been in. I want to start off with some fandom wars because this is the one that confuses me the most. It's not for you to decide, just because you do not agree with the fandom, to disrespect some one's opinions of such fandom. Course I never took any of the bulling or wars seriously, I ignored half of it. It was a waste of time to include myself in such things. About 5 and a half years ago I opened a website for Disturbed. I called it “Disturbed Fans” then later changed the name to “Disturbed Zone”. After having this site for a couple years I witnessed a nasty fan battle with another Disturbed fansite. Now to avoid striking up another feud with these people. I will not mention any names and all screen shots have been blurred out. I am not only protecting myself and the others involved in this stupid war. Read the rest of this entry »

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